Father or Grandfather?

Aubrey Belue
09/02/12 - Marriage and Family

There is a kind of unspoken "rule" more or less bought into by most people nowadays … That is, that parents have the responsibility of training children, being stern and firm where needed, and called on to administer discipline and punishment. But, when you "get" to be grandparents (one of the "perks" of growing older), then you can "turn to mush", and pamper your grandchildren to your hearts' content. Not everyone does it — I could only wish mine had thought that was a "rule". With my parents I had two stern (but loving and "mostly" fair) disciplinarians; my grandparents made four more. Dad or Granddad, I did wrong, I was punished for my troubles, to such a similar degree that I steered clear of them both without partiality. If I spent the day on Granddad's farm, the only difference from being at home in that regard was that most of the time my Granddad didn't know I was around, so I could "get by" with more. No matter which one caught me, it pretty much ended the same way, and it would take a day or two for the cells in my body to settle back to normal.

Today, I am more than ever convinced that their strictness, even from my grandparents, was because they cared more about how I turned out than about having a good relationship with me. Just an observation: today, many parents act like they are grandparents, and — grandparents? — forget about it! (And our communities are paying for it in a fundamentally diminished respect for authority — even among "good" people).

I keep getting the impression that, spiritually, a lot of us apparently think of God as a "grandfather", rather than a "father". To start with, just look at the shift today in the attitude toward total submission to God's authority, and the current willingness to do and tolerate things that He has not authorized. "Fathers" would not tolerate such laxness; maybe "grandfathers" would. Look at the way they imagine God reacts to sins committed, in their view, He is an "understanding" God, sensitive to our weaknesses, and ready to provide a way "back" that is easy and painless. He wants us to be able to sleep at night, so assures us that being ignorant or weak doesn't jeopardize our relationship with Him. He trades in "obedience" for "good intentions." He doesn't want mean old "traditionalists" being so uptight about exact obedience — it will cause His children to feel bad, doubt their salvation, and might even provoke them to turn away in bitterness (don't you deal with my boy, I will). My dad AND my Granddad were in a conspiracy that, whenever I acted up, they thought their job was to make me QUIT it — not to soothe me by making it a minor point, and resign themselves to hoping I would come around. They saw it as their mission in life to "persuade" me to come around (if you know what I mean) and sooner rather than later. My dad in particular, had the insight to realize that "small" infractions often led to major misconduct, and he saw to it that I became uncomfortable at the base level. My antics (which I saw as pretty harmless, just playing around) were serious business to them, and "attitude adjustments" caught up with me fairly often. What consolation I got was AFTER the misconduct had been dealt with! In the words of Paul: "for the present, grievous… AFTERWARDS it reveals the PEACEABLE fruit of righteousness." (Hebrews 12:11)

With some, many things need NOT be treated seriously (just a few "core" major offenses), and our disposition should tend toward sympathy and support rather than admonishment and reproof concerning the bulk of things the Bible identifies as "sin". It is at least worth thinking about — does God treat us like a "Father", or a "Grandfather"? (Clue — Hebrews 12:3-11)